Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs all the blessed time. Sometimes I feel like I can't function... and people don't get this.
People don't understand a call to ministry. Yes - I get that you've heard missionary stories all your life. That's great. Do you understand what it means to go to seminary? Maybe not.
I'm not going to get away from the 'sinners' at IU. I'm not going because I get more freedom or because it's just out of btown. So NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to seminary so I can fill my call to ministry. I'm going to seminary because I can't STAND to say no. It's not just a nagging feeling - it's so much more than that. I honestly believe it is impossible for me to say no to this call. Who knows what God is doing or what He would do if I said no to HIM? Haven't had much luck with telling the creator of the universe no.... not that great of an idea by the way.
I'm going through my things. I'm getting rid of stuff because I'm not going to have room for it later on or even in a few months. Whining? This is trying to get people to SEE what this is. How SERIOUS this is.
If you were living when Jesus was alive - during the time of the great Roman Empire [[which is not that different from America]] - would you REALLY drop everything and follow Jesus? Even if it meant saying bye to your friends and family, your possessions, and everything but the clothes on your back?
Jesus said to take up our Crosses every day and to follow Him... so let's take up our death object of choice... and follow Him. This is not the norm... I need people to stop pretending it is - and not for my sake. We don't talk about taking up our electric chairs or our nooses and going around following Jesus. Nor do we talk about those 'fanatics' who absorb the Scripture and can't get enough of it.
We should be a Jesus fanatic.
I've got news for you people! Jesus was not a normal person.
You might call his life as something like... RADICAL.
The authority figures hated him.
He taught love - the true definition.
He taught how we are to life our life as a sacrifice - just as Christ WAS.
Christ BECAME our sins and we BECAME his righteousness.
We are supposed to be living SACRIFICES.
So what's a sacrifice? It's something of value that someone gives up. We are to give up our desires and surrender them to God.
Can I say that's a little... abnormal? That it's just a tiny bit radical?
I understand that all the words in the world could not describe the fear and awe I have in my heart at this very moment. I'm scared to death, but at the same reason I have no reason to be. I want to scream it on the mountain tops that Jesus is Lord - and I want everyone to feel that same feeling that I feel in the depths of my heart.
I feel so sorry for anyone who doesn't know this feeling and I pray that each one of you responds to their own calling. <3
